T.N.T.BOOM!'s Life

These are real true stories from my life, originally on Tumblr, collected under "#T.N.T.BOOM!'s life". For real time releases of these real true factual stories of my life go to my Tumblr. These are in release order newest on top.

I just remembered the time I said my first words

It was on Saturday, 23rd of November in 2009 at 4:32 PM, I was simply minding my own business when my mom came in and told me I had to go to bed (I was 1).

I flipped her off after having seen it in a Dora the Explorer edit on the fledgling site known as YouTube. I knew it meant “fuck you” and I believed that it was adequate for the situation. She got MAD and said no more watching videos on the internet. She took me to my crib and put me in it but not before I climbed out and bit her leg.

She put me back in the crib and punished me severely.

3 hours later, in the dark in the crib, I climbed out again and climbed out the window, i fell to the ground (first floor) and crawled across the street to the neighbors house, I then knocked on the door and they LOST THEIR MIND.

I dropkicked them and stole their phone. The crazy part is when they picked me up and brought me home, I was having NONE OF THAT and proceded to headbutt them, knocking them unconsious in the street. I used their phone one Google Maps to navigate to the nearest gas station, when i got there i bought a gallon of milk and went home.

I got back to my street to find it cordoned off due to a police search for me.

Thats when i whipped out my bazooka and found myself in a mexican standoff with the police.

I decided to surrender when a snipe disarmed me.

I got picked up and placed in my crib, now with a top so its effectively a cage, and thats when I said my first word. I just dont remember what i said.

Told someone that the x in the corner of the window is the insta win button, he froze then got booted for disconnecting. How did bro fall for a built in windows thing. He was lvl 34, he understands computers right??????

He came back and I said that f6 is an insta win, f6 in this game is a quick disconnect. He disconnected….

Lvl 34 requires 120 hours of gameplay on average, either their kid is playing or they sold the acc to a moron lmfao.

The game has an insta win button too, it requires dev commands for testing, no normal player can just insta win why would he even believe it, even a grandma would know theres no free win in a game.

He rejoined and was fuming in the chat, cursing me out with half the words censored. I told him that “/chat_restrict off” uncensors chat. But theres a bug where that command just crashes the game… he got disconnected.

Then he doxxed me… well he tried, he just posted my real name on twitter. My twitter is my real name.

He was next outside my house, he had a gun and bodybag, good thing I told him that if he shot his foot I would surrender, he did and I tackled him to the ground, he understands physics right??? He is 49 years old that takes 49 years to get. I am 19 years old bro.

In court I told him that pleading guilty to all charges is insta win in the case against me, he plead guilty to all charges and is now serving 15 years for attempted murder and destruction of property. What a dumbass.

Ope I just deleted every company file, I work at apple. All the backups too.

No like they all gone, including all the patents for the iCar.

Oh Shit its ALL gone, every file on every computer owned by Apple, including all copies of system 32 on all the pcs in all the offices. Apple uses windows lol.

Oh shit apples stock went to 0 dollars because all the pcs exploded :(

Apple found me and I have a gun to my head for causing the loss of nearly 5 trillion dollars in my mishap. But its just a mk4 Oct2026 Energy Rifle from Lockheed Martin and I collect those so I know how to disarm it with my Samsung Galaxy.

I bent the beam away from me and tackled the cops to the ground, theres a VTOL hoverbike on the roof Imma try to make my getaway because a mistake that cost 5T dollars shouldnt result in consequences when it was a human error. Why would I know that “CMD nuke_it_all” wasnt a joke?

Its been 30 mins I am flying the hoverbike to Mexico at 160mph to hide I think I mightve lost them

I landed in Ensenada but im a monolingual English speaker. The ASP (Apple Secret Police) somehow tracked me though so I am hiding in back alleys right now.

Bro the ASP just blew up an abuela’s stall looking for me theyre clearly the bad guys. Oh fuck they just torched a school because I left an air tag that was stuck on my back without my knowledge there. OH SHIT THEY TRANQUILIZERED AN ENDANGERED DEER SPECIES.

Oh shit theyre carpetbombing the countryside, they really want me for losing them a measly 5 trillion bucks.

Its Jan 2027 inflation from november makes that like… 4 trillion 2025 dollars, not anything big enough to want me dead over jeez.

Oh they lazercannoned my leg and I had to use my hoverbikes cloaking device. Im flying to mexico city with the cloaking device on but the battery is getting kinda low.

Im wanted internationally now damnit the UN themself put a trillion dollars on my head dead or alive because of one command that I RIGHTFULLY thought was a joke. CMD nuke_it_all shouldnt have been available to me it is clearly my higher ups who should be wanted wtf. This day is really getting to be a bummer.

I put on a fake moustache and hopped on a trip to Artemis I Lunar Colony, the Moon Colonies are currently not subject to UN laws and also legally prohibit sending people back to Earth when they apply for asylum. I am so genius.

Im now on the Moon

Shit i forgot snacks.

Apple got bought by Motorola of all things because they never retrieved their files or their stock. A measly 300M bucks.

THEY DROPPED THE CHARGES LETS GOOOO I CAN GO HOME ITS NOW MARCH

Just remiscing that time I went to NYC for the world cup and accidentally got involved in the Mafia for a weekend.

It started when I met a shady guy in a back alley while walking to my apartment from the stadium (taking a shortcut) and the guy offered me 5000 dollars if I did a chore for him, cause I would have had to take a loan for the plane ticket back to Maine I obviously agreed.

The man told me about a warehouse in The Bronx that had “goods” that he just needed me to yoink, asking why he couldn’t do it he said “I tried and got this scar” he then held up his hand to show his pinkie finger had a minor scratch. He drove me to the warehouse and he gave me a map, I snuck in through a rooftop window with a pistol in hand. Upon sneaking past 3 armed men I grabbed the desired box and snuck out through a chimney.

Then I heard people screaming and I dropped the map in surprise… then bullets started making their way past me while in the chimney, I dropped down and pointed my gun and little did I know I had to start firing. The skirmish was intense and I made my way past them once they each had a bullet in their arms. First ever time shooting a gun wasnt fun.

I made my way outside with two of them on my ass and the guy I was hired by had called in a sharpshooter sniper and ended the baddies in 3 shots (first one somehow missed). I was paid and given true italian spaghetti in a dinner with the Boss.

Then the enemy gang broke into the Boss’ hq and a full fight broke out while I was eating my meat ball. I was tossed a gun and told to “get out alive, go to back door” I couldnt however because the back door was blocked by a van, I shot 4 guys dead in a single bullet and actually managed to side with the gang as they took out the Boss and began to win, I handed them the “Goods” and they paid me 5000 more dollars for ditching the “baddies”. They then also paid for my flight home so long as I never step foot on their territory again (cause I was poisoned by the Mafia or smth).

Anyways I got 10 grand, and a free meal.

Guys, am I cooked?

I am on a cruise right, I just got this notification.

“It has come to my attention that, regarding the Cruise Ship Swimming Pool having been mistakenly filled with a mix of lava and hydrofluoric acid instead of the agreed upon water, nothing can be done on our end, so we are advising any poolgoers avoid that part of the ship for now.

Refunds for pool tickets are in order of you go on the cruise’s website.

We are investigating what happened to cause the pool to be filled with a mix of lava and hydrofluoric acid instead of water, so far we believe it was Gary, given his Amazon search history includes ‘lava’ and 'hydrofluoric acid’.

We apologise for the inconvenience, please enjoy the rest of the cruise.

-Clustahfruk Cruises”

“Bring a knife to a fistfight, Bring a gun to a knife fight, Bring a tank to a gunfight” -Me.

That proverb thing holds true. I know from experience.

My m1 abrams has been brought to many a surprise gunfight. People jump me trying to steal my plushies and suddenly I have an m1 abrams, they dont know where it comes from because its an m1 abrams and we are in the underbelly of NYC.

One time back in ‘08, on a plane from LA to Sydney, some guys tried to hijack it with AKs, little did they know…

m1 abrams

The surprising part was when the hijackers pulled out a Panzer.

The plane, unsurprisingly, began a freefall due to the weight of the two tanks doing a standoff in the isle and had to emergency land in Fiji. I actually managed to flee into Suva using a fabricated ID as the hijackers were arrested.

They took the tank of course.

I was on the run for 46 days and hopped on a flight back to LA.

This is all a real story, just dont look it up.

Anyways thats how I lost my medical liscense.

I did my first ever backflip!!!

While showering.

In a moving campervan.

Highway speeds actually.

On a rope bridge.

Across a Himalayan canyon.

During a blizzard.

Also an earthquake.

And there was a party going on (it was 11pm).

And the shower is one of those outdoor showers where its a faucet outside, but it had a floor added to it so I was okay.

Im so happy I finally backflipped!!!

I would show you footage but I wasnt recording (i was naked).